I Bleed Just to Know I'm Alive
by Mist2393
Summary: Castiel visits Dean to find out his time in Hell is still affecting him, and Cas tries to make him feel better. Destiel, for sure. T for self-harm


******This is my first Supernatural Fic, so sorry if anyone's out of character. This came into my head this morning while I was listening to "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls (which is also where the title comes from) and wouldn't let me go until I wrote it. It's set during season 5 while Sam is off doing his own little thing and Dean is on his own. **

**It took me forever to settle on how to begin this and when it would be set, and I'm still not positive I like the beginning. But anyway, enjoy, let me know what you think, even if you hate it, tell me why.**

**As usual, I do not own anything. Not even this story. I am a slave to my muse. Mistakes are mine though, since I don't beta...  
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**I Bleed Just to Know I'm Alive**

Castiel appeared in Dean's motel room to find his bed empty. He could sense that Dean was somewhere in the room, but he couldn't figure out where. The entire room seemed empty, even though the air was filled with the coppery tint of blood. He could tell that when Dean had been in bed, he'd been tossing and turning. He could tell that Dean had left his bed in a hurry, the line of pulled sheets telling Castiel that Dean had rushed to the bathroom. Now that he looked at the bathroom door, he realized he could see light filtering through the gap at the bottom of the door.

"Dean?" he called out uncertainly, his brow furrowing when he heard a gasp from behind the door.

"Cas, what're you doing here?" Dean's voice called, confusion mixed with fear in his words. Cas's brow furrowed even more at this, and he moved himself instantly into the bathroom, where Dean was sitting leaning against the wall, a knife held loosely in his right hand as he watched a large gash on his leg slowly bleed onto the floor. For the moment, the hunter seemed unaware of his presence, remaining wholly focused on the blood. Cas knelt next to him, his eyes now full of concern.

"Dean, what are you doing?" he asked gently, resting a hand on Dean's shoulder.

"Son of a bitch," Dean swore, jumping in surprise. He turned to face Castiel in annoyance. "Don't do that, Cas!" He shuffled away, trying to hide both the blade and the cut.

"I…apologize, Dean. I didn't mean to startle you," Cas responded, looking down. "I sensed your distress, and I was worried about you." He placed a hand over the wound, healing it instantly. He grabbed a towel and cleaned off the blood, while Dean watched him with something akin to apathy on his face. Once the blood had been wiped off, Castiel could see at least fifty scars on Dean's thigh, with identical scars on his other thigh. Cas let his fingers trail over the scars, the look of concern on his face growing. He raised his eyes to meet Dean's, but the man was looking away, fear written plainly across his face.

"I suppose now you're gonna tell me how wrong it is that I do this," he whispered.

"Of course not. Now I am going to help you feel better," responded Cas, wrapping an arm around Dean's shoulders and pulling him close. Dean closed his eyes and leaned into Cas's chest, taking in the warmth.

"I- sometimes I need to see myself bleed," he told the angel. "Sometimes, I still dream about…about my time down there…and when I wake up…I don't know if I'm really alive." He fell silent as Cas's arms tightened around him, and he felt the angel kiss the top of his head gently.

"You need to be in bed," Cas said, lifting him up with his legs draped over Cas's left arm and his head resting against Cas's right shoulder. The angel carried him back into his bed as though he weighed nothing and placed him gently with his head on the pillow. Castiel picked up the blankets and tucked his charge in as though the man were a child. He sat down on the bed next to Dean, kissing his forehead. He went to leave, but Dean reached out and grabbed his arm.

"Wait, Cas, please don't leave me," he pleaded, green eyes glistening with unshed tears. "I- I don't want to wake up alone." The angel turned and slid into the bed, lying next to Dean and wrapping his arms around him, pulling him close. Dean rested his head on Castiel's chest, wrapping one arm around the angel's waist. He soon fell asleep, and Cas stayed there, watching him sleep until morning.


End file.
